Out of Ideas
leaving 08-coming 09

12.24

这个日子,说好不去凑热闹说好不去凑热闹说好不去凑热闹的!!!
可我那淳弱的一句“我想过圣诞节”就将某种屡试不爽的无知重蹈覆辙

听着他滔滔不绝地描述着家庭景象
那种美好绚丽得有点失真
那种无尽渴望的眼中透出的光彩在我看来甚至有些天真
甚至,是奢望
构图犹如空中阁楼般的遥不可及
那一刻,我哭了
转身掩饰了泪水,掩饰了脆弱,掩饰了情绪
内心层层涟漪却伪装得若无其事
那种蓝图与我内心的现实如此天差地别
在同一时刻出现,些许讽刺,些许荒唐
我以为是上帝跟我开了个玩笑
恍惚瞬间,体会从地狱到天堂
无需判定千万理由的是非对错
那是未来的定义,此刻无处可寻
只是,我羡慕那样的天真那样的幻想那样的确定与渴望
一切的一切,我一直想不到,得不到,也梦不到

12.25

那些无关自身擦肩而过的细节,人物与点滴
无意于丝毫的修饰
如果这一切都真的存在
那么,那一切的恐惧,幻想又算什么?

12.26

她们对她说
“你这么善良,一定会很幸福的”
也许,并不是如此
善良只能免于外界的侵蚀
而内心的枯槁
才是在沉默中走向生命尽头的最大悲剧

12.27

感情论调主导的世界,现实主义却成了救世主。

12.28

听着within temptation的 <forgiven>
走在十二月夹杂着湿露的的风中
黯然的黄昏路灯下单薄的影子略显凄凉与伤愁
走在冬日空气冰凉雾霭弥漫的晨曦中
安静的思绪呼吸着肆意苍白的淡漠
触摸永恒的消逝……

1.2

这内心不切实际的荒诞与虚无。。。

-是不是失去了才懂得珍惜
-是的
-那就让我失去一次
-比如?
-生命

1.3

我学不会forget也学不会forgive...

4.1.09 10:31


表达,有时只是给自己读的

    dear,again i think i stepped into the circle,losing appetite for almost everything in this cold winter with deathly stillness. i dont need anything except for the happiness and passion what i have been eagering for so desperately and what is so out of my reach.

    im kinda tired of spending days in the same way,i think somewhere in my heart,im looking for tremendous changes,i mean,really big changes making me become a totally different person,i dont care whether it is a hideous or rediculous one,i just know,i want it so badly. i need renascence!

    im so reluctant to talk to people,conversation is redundant and tedious for me. only by reading does myself feel satisfied,but meanwhile,i hate such myself doing reading all the time, which makes me totally a boring person to others. nobody gonna like me,whose face lacking of expressions,words exhausted. besides,those books,films too, make me a thinker,but, indeed do not make me happy. i mean,the price of getting close to one's heart is being driven away from the crowd. and the only way for one to be a part of the crowd is to bury individual. that's what im not prepared to pay.

    music is a good thing,softly solace my soul on the life-running road, as i might told you,those extreme music do not fit for who i am now,they fill me up in fantasy,build me up and make me seem to be a formidable one.but,inside im so vulnerable that once get out of that world, i collaps in reality in a twinkling of an eye, rotting, fading, dying. such story sounds like an inevitable tragedy haunting me.

    the most terrible thing to be heard might be that i dont care about my life at all.i admire those lose life in a golden age in peace.leaving this world is such an amazing thing to me,you see,all the pains stop at that moment,i finally can be relieved! i get what i have been chasing for all my life only at the moment life terminates. how ironical it could be!

    dear,can i be honest to both of us as those words might not be sweet to you? it's you who lead me out of the world where i've been stayed and show me the reality,the shattered reality. it's you who told me:dont live in your little princess dream any more,kid. it's you who make me realize i've drowsed a while and nearly got abandoned.anyway,sooner or later,someone gonna tell me and show me the same,it's just a matter of time.all that is a cruel devil with a sweet appearance, with me, on the same orbit,being doomed to meet.

    there are two sayings have been swirling in my mind: 
i feel that i've done something in my life too early,and others too late.
sometimes only by losing,we know what we are having.
yes, by losing...only by losing...

15.1.09 16:16


其实你不知道我在说什么

————=矫=情=的=————

有一块怀表,怀表里收着一个恶魔般的灵魂
那天那个灵魂俘获了将怀表开启的身体
而身体的灵魂则被关在怀表中
那个灵魂让身体享受尽了声色感官的奢靡
于是,身体摆脱了自我灵魂带来的平乏生活
灵魂也逃脱了身体的谴责和漫漫迷途
只需安睡在黑暗中,听着时间的流逝声
滴答,滴答
身体和灵魂,都笑了

----=牢=骚=的=----

i find no fun in spring festival
firwork is such an annoying thing
so cold to go out and so boring to stay in
国家是为了攒取暴利才允许让老百姓燃放烟花爆竹的,不是么?

----=闷=骚=的=----

CCTV6在年三十晚上十点放起了08年世界电影回顾
从欧洲三大电影节开始把欧洲电影细数了一变
所有通向心灵的门关上时,真的会有一扇窗开着吧

----=沉=淀=的=----

孤单的人最怕过节,因为那种孤寂被周遭的喧哗衬得太过突兀
我真的不想走接下来的路
好想现在可以是60岁,两老每天种种花养养鱼看看书
多么清闲惬意的生活
(补:忽然发现坐牢是一种逃避未来很棒的选择)

----=心=酸=的=----

老妈问我,阵痛过后到底是明朗还是黑暗还是无止尽的阵痛?
我想起的还是那句台词
——is life always this hard,or just when you are kid?
——always like this.

----=无=耐=的=----

那天有人跟我说:“你不像水瓶座的人,你太安静了”
你,太——安——静——了!

----=温=暖=的=----

你说我们能不能每年过生日都要对对方说一声生日快乐?要说很久很久的奥。。
老婆说,当然啦。
^________^

----=捣=成=的=----

——我真想不通饼干有什么好吃的
——你终于相通了

——惨了,我又爱上饼干了
——吃吧,所谓江山易改本性难移说的就是你

----=沉=重=的=----

好像什么都没发生,可是的确又发生过了什么
就当什么也没说过
就是,好累

----=轻=吟=的=----

斯佳丽强森和佩内洛普克鲁兹做爱,哦,太美妙了。。。。。

29.1.09 14:44


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